Who I am isn't important nor how I progress in this world. All that seems important to the higher up people of society is that I am poor. I am sorry that I could not fit your profile. I am however not sorry for who I am. Without a label I am an intelligent person who excelled in their GCSEs. I am also a person who hit an incredibly rough patch during her A Levels. No surprise the poor girl gets hit with a mental illness. That illness which means nothing to the higher ups and will not be accepted as mitigating circumstances.
The Problem:
Universities are elitist, why? Well that's easy because we have to pay our way through university and the higher ups look over it. These universities want rich private school kids who no doubt have an exemplary education. They want the best of the best and unfortunately these rich kids have better access to what is required. I am not jealous nor am I going to start making excuses for myself. The biggest problem is if you find another way round to access medicine one of the most elitist courses out there, they will find any way to stop you. Is it fair to just keep being pushed back and pushed back over one part of your life, because of who you are and what has happened.
My problem:
A Levels 1st year: I was withholding a secret which was eating away at me and it made me mute. It made me struggle with work because I had to get everything so perfect and in doing so I had put so much pressure on myself, it was a hindrance rather than a help. AS= abb in Geography, Biology and Chemistry respectively. 2nd year the secret is out and it feels like the whole world knows but they don't it's just your family and unfortunately that camera you had to talk to. Everything has turned upside down. The world as you know it now appears in shades of grey. It's dark and now you're in a bubble. Surrounded by your own thoughts, bringing yourself further and further down, seeing your family crumble. Who am I? The poor girl? The intelligent girl? Maybe now I am though one who is ill not due to physical attributes but because her mind is unstable. A Levels now seem impossible, information goes in and falls back out again. A month before exams... Another blow. A2= BCD
Will you listen to me, universities of the world will you listen?
I had to go through clearing but I ended up at a university which I felt was pretty good. No it's not a Russel group university nor is it Oxford or Cambridge. It's a metropolitan university. I study Biomedical Science. It is fascinating and my mind is so much clearer now. First year I worked hard and was able to achieve a 1st in every unit. Who am I? I am the intelligent girl again. The problem now is even though I have proved once again I am good enough for medicine I will be pushed back by my A Levels. They want at least a B in chemistry or they still expect the AAA standard. Why? I am doing a degree, this is level 4, 5, 6 learning. Why would you care about my level 3 learning when it's in the past. I've already been through enough pain as it is cant you for once let something go and give me a shot?
I'm only a second year?
It's true I'm only in my second year and I haven't even got to the application process yet but I have emailed some universities. Apparently if my university degree doesn't offer chemistry to a B standard in A Level they won't look twice at me. Just a heads up Biomedical Science generally isn't acceptable. Which is weird because some of the teachings are similar to that in medicine. They never address the fact that I mention mitigating circumstances so I am to assume mental illness doesn't count. I'm still going to try hard but I do want to be heard and I want things to change for the better. For all those who deserve a chance to do what they want to do. The most intelligent person in the world won't make the best Doctor. They need to be well rounded so stop looking at those pushed by mummy and daddy just because they are doctors too. Surely there are other ways to ensure everyone has a right to learn and become what they want to be right? Right?
My final words:
Time to dig deep and tell you how I feel. I don't want to be a biomedical scientist I want to be a doctor. I have thought long and hard about this. Time to be soppy but the prospect of not becoming a doctor really saddens me to the point I have actually cried on a number of occasions. I am an embarrassment I know. But at least you know how much I want this and how much willingness I have. I will never give up and I will never regret it as a life choice. I will be the best damn doctor this world has seen. I'm not here to cruise through life, I am here to work hard and be challenged. I will never let you down as I am here to stay and I won't budge. I will become a doctor whether this ridiculous society allows me to or not.
I am the poor girl, the intelligent girl, the girl who had a mental breakdown, the girl who lived to tell the tale, the girl who will continue to fight... I am the girl who will one day be a doctor.
A Levels shouldn't determine life paths should they? Are you listening? Are you higher ups sitting comfortably? Are you okay with this elitism? As a university will you ever accept me? Will you ever accept the fact you are elitist? Will you ever accept that intelligence isn't everything?
Am I worthy enough of your time?
Spring 2016: Out in the sunshine studying.
I would try and say everything on my mind but I could probably write a whole novella. If you would like to know more or contact me please leave a comment. You can also directly message me on my Social Media: YouTube +Holly1heart
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Thank you for listening to me, I appreciate it.
